I’m Here Now

In my practice of assisting others, noticing what I notice is the art I have studied. And there is never an end to noticing.

I’ve been gone from this blog for some days, my attention elsewhere.  Writing is so key to my creative nature that I find I’ve missed it sorely. But circumstances are what they are and there are lessons to learn elsewhere.

The thing that drew me away from writing has completely consumed my time, but has brought deep lessons to my life.

My world needs monetary attention, so when a message about mystery shopping crossed my path, I began my discovery. I immersed myself in signing up with nearly thirty companies and now have enough shops under my belt to know that I really am a beginner in this enterprise.

When I stopped for long enough to question why I was doing this, I got an answer. It’s not about the mystery shopping, but only about learning about myself.  All of this existence is only about learning who we are.

I know this secret shopper business is not my life work. There are others who enjoy shopping and are far better at this. My own sensibilities concerning commercialism are highly activated by this endeavor. The total  immersion in the material world of this activity galls me and already pushes me to release myself from its grip.

My first question to myself was, why am I not working as hard for myself as I am for someone else?  For that, I look to my family history. There was fear in working for another. I have impressive memories of my father’s frustration at not being able to please an unhappy superior.  And look now at the word used there. Superior. I don’t care for that word in the sense that one person is superior to another. That one person must stand in the shadow of another. That the light is shut out from one in favor of another is a complete antithesis of my worldview.

So my realization now is that I must work as hard for myself as I would for someone else. But working for myself holds no fear and I am free to work purely for the joy of what I do.

However, we do still reside in the material world and this lesson is about putting myself “out there”.  This is another family issue. We are a quiet people, not ones to shout out who we are, our accomplishments or that we are even around.  You wouldn’t notice us in a crowd. We blend in and are everyman and everywoman.

I could be entirely happy going about my days without drawing attention to myself or what I do, but I find myself in the position of connecting with those who need the service I have to offer. And I love what I do for others. It brings me joy and satisfaction. I know why I’m here.

I’m also now enlightened about how little still, of my life I am living consciously. I work to always be as conscious as I can about my actions. But I’m still moving through my days without seeing what is around me.

I am now aware of previously moving through my life without noticing others. For years I have attempted to recognize everyone I come into contact with on a daily basis. The clerks in the store, the person who delivers my mail, the one who cuts my hair, but I have still missed so much.  The job at hand means that I must be aware of EVERYTHING.

I’m like the innocent child who is totally self-centered and then reaches out to explore and learn the world around them. I begin with myself, my actions and now with the enlightenment of this mystery shopping business, I observe the actions of others. The task at hand is to be an observer. That means no judgement on the actions, but to only report what you observe.

And even in that I recognize I can never be purely observer because I’m in the picture.  I can never remove myself entirely, nor would I want to.

So, now to the task of marketing my services to others. For that I need to take action. Those who need what I offer must know I am here.

My commitment to the universe is to take action every day on my own behalf and for the sake of others. I may not understand much about marketing but by taking action, I will trust the universe to unfold each step to me.

Perhaps it’s time to move my contact information to the front page of the blog…

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