Image by Horia Varlan via Flickr

Worrying about how other people are behaving is a misdirection. It’s a fabulous way to avoid looking at our own stuff and making changes from the inside out.

Whenever, WHENEVER, I begin to judge someone else, my next thought is ~ how am I that which I am condemning in them. I will never ask anyone else to be, do, or change anything I am not willing to be, do or change within myself.

The best advice I have to offer is to not worry about the choices that others make. Do not concern yourself over their right or wrong behavior. Always, always clean up your own self first. Physician, heal thyself.

I recognize in this statement that I am a leader. I am not THE leader, but I do have a role to play in the advancement of humanity.

I look at it like a human chain, one hand holding onto the next. There are those who have walked before me and there are those who walk after me. I am obligated to follow best practices so that those following me are not led on too many detours. I make sure that I’m wearing good shoes, have a clear map of where I’m going, and take care of my needs along the way so that I don’t stumble or fall because of exhaustion.

There are many pieces to this puzzle that have run through my life, the major one being an experience I had when I was in 3rd grade. As I got older, the recollection of that event is what gave me the idea that I might have had a bad experience with the Nazis.

Much earlier than that though, the stage had been set. I had watched some awful movie on television where Nazis were using blood from children for their soldiers. They used so much blood that the children died. One of the scenes was of a grandfather holding his dying grandchild in his arms. It was really a terrifying sight.

So, in third grade I was hospitalized with pneumonia. After I had been there for several days, someone other than the usual nurse came to draw blood from me. This time, it was a male nurse. He talked softly and calmly, attempting to engage me, but as soon as I saw it was a man, I was suspicious. I flashed back to that movie and knew I was in a fight for my life. I was NOT going to let him take my blood. If he did, I knew I would die.

As I fought the needle, nurses came from all over to hold me down. Now, I’d had blood drawn before that, without even a whimper. I liked watching it fill the vial. I was fascinated by how beautiful it was. But not that time.

There were six adults trying to hold me down when I heard one say, she’s too upset now. They left the room and I fell into an exhausted sleep. I was woken later by a nurse who was really mad at me. She was chewing me out for what I’d done. I didn’t get one soothing word from her.

Hours later, when they sent a female nurse for the draw, all went smoothly. And no one ever asked me why. They didn’t ever tell my parents about the incident in which they had 6 or more adults trying to hold down their nine year old child.

Back to the present.

The revelation about a woman writing a book about past lives that could be documented piqued my interest. I did a quick bit of research. I learned a few interesting tidbits. Not documentation  certainly, but it may be the beginning of a breadcrumb trail.

First, I looked up Nn’Kaa in Google and  found a name that was similar enough to show up. The name was from West Africa.

Then I learned that during WWII the Scottish Guard were active in major conflicts in West Africa.

Last, I checked out biographical info on John Goodman. He was born in 1952. That makes him three years older than me. But what I found interesting was that, in 2007, when he was 55, he stopped drinking. According to what I read, he said, “I don’t know how much the old Jackie Daniels franchise ruined my memory, which is going anyway, because of my advancing decrepitude. I had a 30-year run, and at the end I didn’t care about anything. I was just fed up with myself. I didn’t even want to be an actor anymore.”

During night school, did the 56 year old Bonnie go back and have a talk with the 55 year old JG? And learn about a relationship they had in another life? Freaky. Cool. Weird. And likely true.

Image via Wikipedia

How did your New Year start? Mine has been a wild ride so far. Family drama on the 1st day of the year. That settled. Then on the night of January 2nd, I had a dream.

It was one of those dreams. There were at least three layers and I moved through one into another and then another. When I finally hit what seemed the end of the inner story, I knew it was not a dream and I was jarred awake by what I found waiting in the shadows of my sleep. It was shortly after 1am, just a couple of nights ago that I woke out of a very deep place, walked out to the computer and wrote her story. This is the story of Nn’Kaa in her own words. Her voice, just as I recorded it onto the page.

My nam is Nn’kaa and I am remembering. I was in a big house in the desert. It was not a desert ouse, but a wood built ouse. i was built of whole trees laid on side. I had neve see hoise like dat befo.

The man John gooman was the owner of de ouse. Yo know him actor i this now. He was other life then.

I who you know as Bonnie was dreaming about another sleep and Jon gooma, recognize her as de person of Nn’ Kaa. He look at me in my dreamtime as Bonnie and say, same short neck, and other tings about me that he knows and say yes, you are Nn’Kaa, from that other life.

John gooman left the house. I was not fast enough. I hear bagpipes and know the Scots were coming. They were at the big door. De front door. I went down the back stair, thinking I might escape still and found many men waiting dere. It was not Scots. they were Nazi, in uniform.

The main guy, he was sitting in a chaur. Like he was waiting at the back door to bloack anyone who would escape dat way. Only one man was sitting. All others were standing. One young uniformed man stepped forward tak control of me. The sitting man said, “We have been waiting for you”. And he laughed an ugly laugh. And then they all laugh. Ther was much far n me for they wanted to hurt me.

And den I don’t want to remember notin. It was too bad because I was a woman.

Early in the evening I had been overcome with a stomach issue. It was one of those rare and extreme cases where you think there may be explosions at both ends. That’s all I’m going to say about that. I was however, trying to figure out what in the world I had eaten that would come back at me so viciously. Nothing came to mind and I asked, “what in the world is this all about”. I was fine one minute and violently ill the next. After a bit I was better and later when I laid down for bed, my stomach seemed okay, if not perfectly fine.

And then, during the night I had the dream. Sometimes at night I remember going to something I call night school. Once I remember meeting up with others who were going through divorce. This was something different.

I dreamed I was visiting with John Goodman. We were reclining on some sort of lounge chair. Shyly, tentatively, I reached up and over to kiss him on the cheek. I kissed him on the cheek again. He took no notice of me. I tried a third time and the scene shifted quickly to another layer.

He was making a birthday card for a woman. I learned that I know that woman. Well, I had met her at a class and was reading a book she wrote. The book was about past lives that were able to be documented.

JG thought he might be falling in love. He held deep feelings for her. He told me that he was 55 and had very little in his life that he cared about. Nothing in his life had much meaning or value to him, but he thought that perhaps he had finally found true love.

I told him I’m 56 and I have so much in my life. It is so full and it’s all about the relationships I have. I could die satisfied right now and know that everything is as it should be. It has already been a life well lived. Not that I’m wanting to leave this life yet at all. It’s just that every day is a good day.

An abrupt and sudden shift to another layer. I was in a large house built of logs. There was danger at hand. There was chaos and people were on the move. John Goodman was there. It was his house and he had to leave…  fast.

Suddenly, I found myself alone in the house. I heard bagpipes playing outside and ran to the front door. I reached to open it and then knew that it was not the rescuers I expected. I took the back stairs. I can still see it so clearly, I could draw you a picture. Down one flight to a landing, turning a corner to the left and down the second flight to the lower level. What waited for me there was straight out of my worst nightmares.

I have known for a long time that I had a life experience with Nazis that did not end well. My assumption had always been that I had been Jewish. Never had I thought of anything like this.

So, I had asked why the stomach trouble and I got my answer. This was a cleansing, clearing event. I and Nn’Kaa choose not to remember details. We do recognize the horror of the situation and are working to clear it from my body, then, now, and on all levels.

September 29, 2011   Victor, Last night was amazing. I am so pleased to know the outstanding young man you are becoming. You have a strong core of willingness to sacrifice yourself for the highest and best good of all. And the important realization that at the very center of your being, the most important thing to you, is to bring peace to this world. You got that last night, didn’t you. And it was made clear by you, looking inside of yourself. You found yourself, the truth inside of you. It’s not anything someone else told you. You found it yourself and that’s the best kind of truth, the one that’s in line with who you are.

I’m wondering if you see that you have a choice how you play out your life in this world? One way of serving your country and the world is in the military.  You said your ultimate goal would be as a peacemaker. You told us about standing up for a friend who was being picked on and I can see that you want to stand up against cruelty and make sure life is safe for those who are not strong.

I know you love the cool uniforms and the idea and excitement of being in an elite force like the Navy Seals. You are a thrill seeker. You enjoy very high stimulation activities, but there are choices to be made and other ways of seeking adventure and excitement. This world is  open to you for exploring and having new and different experiences. You have so many choices. It is my hope you will be open to all the choices available to you.

Do you know, that I know someone who is a Navy Seal? I can tell you about that some other time if you’re interested.

When I heard you express your feelings about wanting a wife and child someday and to have a good life for you and them, I felt my heart open and all the love I have for you just poured out. What you shared was from your heart.

I have great hope for everyone everywhere because that’s what every other person on the planet wants deep inside. If you ask anyone what they want deep down, it’s to live a good life in their own way. To have a choice in how they live and they mostly want peace. They desire to live in the best way they can without interference from others.

Humans have tried for thousands of years to bring peace to the planet. Mostly, by forcing others to behave and “be peaceful” and I haven’t seen that work well yet. That is from the outside, when true peace can only come from the inside. You’ll probably learn that in your meditation practice. If we only practice for war, what do you think we’ll get? What if we practice for peace?

I believe we are programmed to cooperate and live peacefully with others. The brain science I’m studying now tells us that. And I full believe that will happen someday. Someday, peace will break out and spread all over this planet. What a great thing that will be.

But when someone comes to us and says, “you must behave the way I tell you”, well, how does that feel? Do you want to cooperate with someone holding you hostage? And I mean either physically, emotionally or mentally. Or do you want to escape their control? How does that feel? Do you want to cooperate with someone who is trying to MAKE you behave or does it actually make you feel rebellious and you want to fight them?

It’s a very human response to not want to bow to the pressure of another person’s will. We have a deep need to be who we are, to express who we are in our own way. We are individuals. But we are part of the whole of humanity too. And I honor your deep desire to serve humanity. It’s what I’m here for too. First, to take care of my family and make sure they have what they need to live a good life. It’s why I want to see you have good tools and honorable allies. Then, to bring the gift of who I am to the rest of humanity, because they are my family too.

I love you beyond measure Victor. You have a very special place in my heart. Your name can mean more than being the victor in battle. That may be the past speaking. It might be your past experiences on the planet showing you something about yourself. Learn from it. Honor it. But also realize there may be a future way to be victorious. You could be someone who helps bring real and lasting peace into this world. We will all win with that.

Love you, Grandma Bonnie

Image by Images by John 'K' via Flickr

Today, there are people around the world who are celebrating the demise of Osama Bin Laden. But today I mourn. Not for the death of Bin Laden, but for the heart of America.

I will not celebrate any murder, even if it’s in the name of justice. Neither will I mourn his death. He is stopped from personally planning and terrorizing people around the world. None of us want to ever experience another 9/11 event.

I find only sorrow in  the practice of people using violence to get what they want. But as someone who practices Nonviolent Communication, that doesn’t mean I am passive.  It’s likely that a lot of people I know, would be surprised that I know how to handle a rifle. But to use that would be my very last choice. And even then, I know I would pay an extreme personal price for taking the life of another. I would use a weapon for protection only if there was no other way.

But for many people, that’s their first choice. I’m right, you’re wrong. You’re dead.  I have a bigger stick, a bigger, more powerful gun or weapon.  Unless we learn a different way, a way to be at peace with one another and support everyone’s needs being met, this just leads to ever escalating power plays.

Marshall Rosenberg, who developed Nonviolent Communication, relates an incident that happened when he was asked to help with training in a school for young people who had either been kicked out or dropped out of regular schools.

Marshall went in and did training in NVC, but was soon called back. Things were not going well. Because of budget constraints he had only four days to share the training and they did not even have money to pay teachers, so the people working with these students were all volunteers. Back he went to the school. After hearing what was happening in the school and that it was about to be shut down because things were so out of control, he asked for the principal to bring together a group of students who were causing the most trouble.

Here’s the dialogue that followed, from “Life Enriching Education” by Marshall B. Rosenberg.

Eight students, ages eleven to fourteen, were selected by the
principal. I began by introducing myself to the students and the
following discussion ensued.

MBR: I’m very upset about the teachers’ reports that things
are getting out of hand in many of the classes. I want
very much for this school to be successful. Can you tell
me what’s going on, and help me fix it?

Will: The teachers in this school are a bunch of fools, man.

MBR: I’m not clear, Will, what they are doing that leads you
to say that. Could you give me an example?

Will: No matter what the students do, they just stand around
grinning like a bunch of fools.

MBR: Are you feeling disgusted because you want more order
in the school?

Will: That’s right, man. No matter what anybody does the
teachers just stand there smiling like fools. Like, he
(pointing to one of the students in the group) came to
school yesterday with a pint of whiskey in his back
pocket. The teacher standing at the door saw it, and he
just pretended like he didn’t, and he’s smiling, saying,
“Good morning, good morning!”

At this point all of them jumped in to give me one example
after another of how passive the teachers were.

MBR: Fine, thank you, enough, enough. You’ve answered my
question, but now I want your help in creating order in
the school.

Joe:   The teachers ought to get a rattan (a stick carried by
administrators in the public schools in that region to
administer corporal punishment).

MBR: Joe, are you suggesting that you want the teachers to
hit students when they bother others?

Joe:   That’s the only way they’re (students) going to stop.

MBR: I’m discouraged if that’s the only way. I’m worried about
that way of settling things and want to learn other ways.

Ed:   Why?

MBR: Several reasons. Like if I get you to stop horsing around
in school by hitting you with a stick. I’d like you to tell
me what happens if three or four of you that I’ve hit
with sticks in class are out by my car when I go home.

Ed: (Smiling) Then you better have a big stick, man.

MBR: That’s what bothers me about getting order that way. It
turns us into enemies. Remember, when we invited you to attend this school, we said we wanted to create a school where everyone works together in a cooperative way. If we get order by hitting people, I’m afraid we’ll not have the connections between teachers and students that I’d like us to have in this school.

Ed:   You could kick the troublemakers out of school.

MBR: I’m discouraged with that idea, too. I want to show that
there are ways of solving differences in school without
kicking people out.

Will: If a dude ain’t doin’ nothin’ except causing trouble, how
come you can’t send him to a “Do Nothing Room?”

MBJ?: I’m not sure what you’re suggesting, Will. Could you
explain?

Will; Sometimes you come to school and you don’t feel like
doing anything except causing trouble. Maybe your
father beat the hell out of you before you left for
school. So you don’t feel like doin’ nothing except
causing trouble. So have a room where someone can
go until they feel like coming back and doing their
schoolwork.

(I noticed that the other students were nonverbally showing
understanding and approval of Will’s suggestion.)

MBR: Are you suggesting, Will, a room we could ask people
to go to if their behavior is keeping other students from
learning?

Will; That’s right. No use their being in class if they ain’t doing nothing but causing trouble.

MBR:  I’m excited about that idea as long as we can get across to the students who are keeping others from learning that we’re not trying to punish them by asking them to go to the room, but simply trying to protect the rights of those who want to learn.

After further discussion, we all agreed that the students with me in that meeting would go to all the classrooms and suggest that we try out the following: If someone was too upset to do any schoolwork and their behavior was interfering with the learning of others, the teacher would request that they go to a “Do Nothing Room” where they would stay until ready to come back to class without disrupting others.

I stressed the importance of the students making clear to the
other students that the rule was Will’s suggestion (rather than one created unilaterally by the teachers or administration). I alsostressed the importance of making clear that the intention was to protect the students who wanted to learn and not to punish the students who were not in a mood to learn.

The students did a good job of making these two points clear to
the other students and the plan worked beautifully bringing more order into the classroom.

Would it benefit us to do some more listening? What a difference it made in those students when they were listened to and when they were a part of the solution.
Would it diminish the United States to listen before people become so hopeless that they become suicide bombers? Would it hurt us to show our heart and work together for solutions? Could we show that we understand that there are people around the world in dire pain? Can we understand that the policies of top down governments squash the needs of some, in order to fulfill the needs of a chosen few?

While we can feel safe from one person who was waging war on us, there are others who will follow Bin Laden. It might be well to ask what it is they are trying to accomplish. The sort of havoc these small numbers of people wreck, must be some sort of strategy to fill a need. What might their need be? And I fully understand that not everyone is willing to sit together and talk solutions. But might there be someone who is within a particular community who would be open to this approach? Even when we can’t talk together, we can guess what their issues might be. That’s a start.

I believe in Democracy, but it cannot be forced on anyone. We know you can’t make someone do something they don’t want to. Unless it’s by threat or force. Even if you do, you will pay for it. We paid a terrible price in SE Asia.  And we’ve paid a terrible price in Iraq, Afghanistan, and on our own soil.

The question I have now is not, are we listening? It’s…   are we willing to listen?

Image via Wikipedia

Earlier this month, on CBS Sunday Morning, I saw a story about “The Warhorse.”  It’s a play detailing the story of a boy and a horse facing the horrors of World War I.

That was the first time living flesh bent under steel boxes that gave no ground. The use of tanks that only was an echo into the future of all the wars to come. The cold brutality of absolute unyielding force.

All around the world, there are monuments to war. Magnificent in splendor, huge in the heart they display. Some simple and stark in their black and white homage to those who died. All asking us to remember. Remember the hardships, remember the sacrifice, remember the pain and destruction of war. Remember the potential in each of those persons lost.

The monuments ask us to remember…    but when will we learn.

I heard someone say,  “Don’t give up the fight. Do not let your son’s sacrifice be in vain.” I say, let’s stop the needless suffering of war, so those who have given their lives will not have done so in vain. Do not let their memory die.

Do not think that war is ever about the honor of those who serve. It’s almost always about arrogance. The arrogance that one person, party or group, knows better and wants control of the lives of another group.

Honor their service by learning the true lesson of war. While it may appear that one group or another is in the position of winning, there are no lasting gains for humanity to be made through war. Ultimately, war hurts everyone and everything.

I dream that in my lifetime, there will be no more monuments to war.  Honor those who have died in service by learning to live in peace.

The truth of war is witnessed in the long lists of names. Ten million men lost in WWI and nearly the same number of horses.  Those men are remembered and mourned by monuments. In London, there’s even a monument to honor all the animals including the horses, that served. Part of the inscription on that monument reflects that, “They had no choice.”

That monument asks us to remember…   we have a choice.

What if… Peace broke out today, all over the world?

What would that look like? How would you celebrate? What kind of a monument would you build?

For the past few days, there is a question I keep hearing echoed between my heartbeats. Whenever I’m quiet I can hear it, softly appealing, sliding gently into my consciousness. Last night I heard the accompanying sentiment. The answer. It is now ringing out through my very being.

Is what I’m doing in this moment of service to the Highest and Best Good of All?

Nothing matters outside of this moment.

“The world has never yet seen a truly virtuous nation, because in the degradation of women, the very foundations of life are poisoned at the source.” Elizabeth Cady Stanton

What a sad insight to have carried in her heart. To feel so strongly that she was an equal to men, but to be treated as so much less. How long before we have equal rights for women under the law?

I support men who support women who support men.  By the same token, I support women who support men  who support women. We are not separate, but part of a whole. I believe we are in the process of telling/learning a new story of humanity. It’s in development even as I write. Perhaps I’m writing the story. After all, it is my story. I am always at the center of My Story, so that’s where the work of transformation is happening.

Lipton and Bhaerman, in Spontaneous Evolution, wrote, “The heart of humanity is calling for a safe, generative environment of respectful communication, which is the foundation for a healthy and sane political structure. As with so many other aspects of this new, transformational story,  We the People are being called upon to release our either-or polar positions and embrace both-and opportunities.”

And again from Spontaneous Evolution, “Scientific insights from physics and biology on the nature of polarized traits reveal that, while these traits appear to be separate and opposing entities, they are actually rooted together in unity.

The dominator story makes no sense at all.  When a sperm and egg unite to create new life, does one defeat the other?”

One of the biggest stories that we are acting out is that of the dominator story.  It is purely dysfunctional and as we tell ourselves new stories, we will forgive ourselves this part of our history and move on.

Image via Wikipedia

On February 4, 1968 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered  a sermon which included this sentiment. “”Everybody can be great… because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

In that sermon, Dr. King also expressed that he hoped someday, to be remembered as someone who lived his life trying to serve others. That he tried to love and serve humanity, clothing and feeding those in need, doing what was right. Today, he stands as one of the great reformers of our time.

But he was seen by some, including J. Edgar Hoover, as a trouble maker; someone who was going to shake things up. To upset the status quo. And that is what he was doing. He didn’t do it with weapons and violence, but with the truth of his words and the actions of his life. He took action on his dream of justice and freedom for all.

There are some people that will always fear words and ideas more than anything else. But an idea whose time has come cannot die a natural death. Once it has reached enough people, it cannot be silenced. And that’s why Dr. Martin Luther King’s words continue to echo in our hearts today.

He addressed the violence of poverty, the violence of slums, the violence of inferior education. Dr. King explained how the psychological and spiritual violence were much more injurious than any physical violence. He understood what if you keep someone down long enough, you can break their spirit and eliminate any hope they have for their future.

Dr. King knew the likelihood of what he faced. He knew there was an enormous possibility that he would be murdered. He continued despite the danger. He kept going, kept speaking, kept moving forward because he had a vision of what we can be when we allow our humanity to shine. He knew that we are all one. At the ultimate point of our humanity, he knew there is no color, no religion, no politic that can keep us apart.

He knew that we express the very best of our nature when we are moved by our hearts.

When we share a vision and  then take action to create a world where everyone has the same opportunity to express who they are, we will all be set free.  The whole world will be served by justice.

All around the world, we see this unfolding and many, many people are working to build new ways to make the world work for everyone. Where the planet itself is enhanced by the way we live, care for and nurture all expressions of life.

Every person has value. Every one of us can do, create, or give a hand.

Today, consider letting your own spirit fly with Dr. King’s in creating a world in which we all find the freedom of a joy filled life.

Join us at Wishadoo, in imagining a world in which we all work together for the good of everyone. Find what it is that you can do that enriches yourself and those around you. Find the community to join in doing good things that bring joy to your life.

It’s in community, in reconnecting with our needs and the needs of everyone that we find what is life enhancing. In working together to meet those needs,  we find joy, satisfaction and solutions to the challenges we face.

With a vision of what can be, we will build Wishadoo into a gathering place for dreamers that do.

Thank you for the inspiration you shared Dr. King.

Related Articles

• Remembering MLK (heartofcity.wordpress.com)
• Commemoration of Dr. Martin Luther King’s assassination in Memphis during a 1968 labor dispute (cedarlounge.wordpress.com)